My whole life, I always had a sense that I should help others. Almost to a fault. I always considered others in my priorities. Which is a nice idea but at some point, when time becomes precious, you can lose your drive to fill your individual wants and needs, which overtime can make you feel invisible.
I’ve listened to so many podcasts with Gretchen Rubin and the 4 personality tendencies she believes people have. A quick google search will bring you to a quiz that shows you what tendency you are.
One day, a colleague and I were chatting, and she was telling me about her tendency. I knew a lot about the tendencies, but when she asked what I was, I revealed that I never took the test! Enter the trend of me not doing things if they are just for me.
It’s no surprise that I’m an obliger! What does that mean? Well, according to the quiz report that generates once you take the quiz:
Obligers meet outer expectations, but struggle to meet inner expectations. They’re motivated by external accountability; they wake up and think, “What must I do today?”quiz.gretchenrubin.com
Obligers excel at meeting external demands and deadlines and go to great lengths to meet their responsibilities, so they make terrific colleagues, leaders, family members, and friends.Others rely on them, but because Obligers resist inner expectations, it can be difficult for them to meet their aims for themselves, in the absence of external accountability—to work on a Ph.D. thesis, to attend networking events, to get their car serviced.
Obligers depend on external accountability, with consequences such as deadlines, late fees, or the fear of letting other people down.
In fact, Obligers need external accountability even for activities that they want to do. If you want to read more, join a book group.
When a person says, “I give 110% to my patients, so of course it’s impossible for me to exercise”or “Because I’m so busy meeting other people’s needs, I have no time for self-care” or “I’m always
on the road managing five remote teams so all I can eat is fast food,” that’s an Obliger.
Behavior that Obligers sometimes attribute to self-sacrifice or lack of self-esteem—“Why do I always make time for other people’s priorities at the expense of my own?”—is often better explained as need for accountability.
The weight of outer expectations can make Obligers susceptible to burnout, because they often have trouble setting limits or telling people “no.” They may, in fact, reach the point of “Obliger-rebellion,” a striking pattern in which they abruptly refuse to meet an expectation. Obliger- rebellion may take a form that’s small and symbolic, like deliberately being late to work. Or Obliger-rebellion may be dramatic and far-reaching, like abruptly quitting a job, getting a divorce, or ending a long friendship, with the feeling, “I’ve had it. This is over. You’re dead to me.”
As outlined in Better Than Before, my book about habit change, Obligers may find it difficult to form a habit, because often we undertake habits for our own benefit, without others’ oversight.
SO so me. So how do I use this tendency to my advantage?
Enter: joining a fitness class with a friend. I recently joined an amazing local kettlebell class, because a friend invited me. I never would have joined on my own. But now that I know some people will be meeting me each Monday night, I go!
Nutrition wise what keeps me on track is this blog and group! I know that my health journey helps others – so that’s why I share it! Knowing that my health helps others makes me want to do it!
All in all, fitness, wellness, good nutrition and health is not always about food. It’s about using your personality and tendencies to set up your life in a way that will get you to your goals!
Take the quiz and find out more about yourself! It may be the thing that gets you to your goals in 2019!